The Fear of Success: How Motherhood Affects Ambition and Achievement

This is a long overdue post and honestly a little heavy. I attended a panel discussion almost a month back asking the question, do women fear success? If I am true to myself, I was afraid to even attend it. Why, you ask? Well, simply because I was scared to go probing and digging down to the deepest, darkest corners of my heart. I didn't know what to expect... I was nervous... It felt like I hadn't answered this question to myself and was afraid I already knew the answer...

I was an extremely motivated, ambitious, and driven employee. It's interesting that during my growing up years, this pivotal point of my life wasn't really discussed. In hindsight, I'm glad it wasn't, as it might have altered my outlook towards my goals and targets. Actually, it never came up. I was lucky to be born in an educated, liberal family where my mother worked all through (she still does, has a couple more years before she retires). So quitting because of a child was a scenario that I never pictured for myself, and hence gave my career my undivided attention.

But it did change for me. As soon as I delivered my son, suddenly issues related to his safety, nurturing, growth, and development loomed over my head, shutting everything else down. Despite having a wonderful employer who was more than accommodating to my needs, it eventually became difficult for them because the organizational policies had not foreseen women employees having babies, I guess. Don't get me wrong here, they did follow all the government policies and norms of maternity leaves and so on, but is that much enough?

Offices accommodate a lot of things to ensure the normal functioning of their employees. The offices have loos for you-know-what, they have canteens because people need to eat at least once during their working hours. So why is it such a big deal for a female employee to have a child? It's as natural a process for a woman to have a baby. Anyways, I eventually had to quit due to a lack of support system back home and my unwillingness to let someone outside the family handle my son. It was tough for me. It felt as if a part of me was sliced away.

I remember feeling angry towards how things were being done in the corporate sector. Every species (barring a few maybe) works on their next generation. Elephant mommies take turns to care for the herd's calves. A few lionesses protect the cubs while other females go hunting. Heck! Even ants have nurseries. But we humans, I guess, do not consider our babies precious enough to grow attached and aligned with us.

It's not all sad though. I was lucky enough to find another path, the path of Yoga, that destiny laid out for me. It not only helped me deal with this dark phase of my life but also showed me the way ahead, and I am happy to report that I walk that path fearlessly and passionately every day.

So why did I finally decide to write on this? Because I read this: why motherhood makes Indian women quit their jobs and figured I was not alone in feeling the anger towards the companies who literally force women out of the workforce. I was finally brave enough to answer the panel question. Yes, women these days fear success, at least the generalized definition of success.

Women fear success because it will put them in a spot where they will be forced to choose between child and work, between husband and job location, between ailing parents and travel, and this MUST change. Not only for the women who have the right to continue to pursue their passions but also because they are better employees, and companies should consider this if not for anything else, their own top and bottom lines.

Interestingly, the only way to change this is by having more compassionate women in top positions. Most of the companies are reaping the benefits of having women in top positions, and most of those women really want more women to 'Lean in' (what up Sheryl Sandberg reference superwoman style!!!).

But that's not enough. We in the background will have to be more compassionate towards those who are out there too, fighting our battle, working hard, making sure that our daughters and daughters-in-law are not forced to choose. Do your bit in helping them and start out by not judging mothers who go out to work because they forgot a piece of homework or were not able to attend a sports day or because they cannot read their kids bedtime stories at night.

Assist them a bit, maybe by offering a helping hand if you can. Organize play dates, maybe a movie or a trip to the park with kids if she can't make it; your kids will have company too! Helping each other out is the only way, tigress style. We can only eliminate this injustice that we are being dished out by standing together shoulder to shoulder, nurturers and breadwinners together.