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My son got invited to a sleepover last night, which got me thinking about this... Sleepovers are slowly sneaking into our lifestyles, and we better be prepared to handle them. I feel they are becoming a bit more relevant now, since more and more families in urban cities are nuclear. A lot of children don't have siblings, so maybe sleepovers are required to help them develop skills like sharing and bonding.
What's a sleepover, you ask? Wikipedia defines it as: A sleepover, also known as a pajama party or a slumber party, is a party most commonly held by children or teenagers, where a guest or guests are invited to stay overnight at the home of a friend, sometimes to celebrate birthdays or other special events. A lock-in is a similar event held in a setting other than a private home, such as a school or church. The sleepover is often called a "rite of passage" as a young child, or a teenager, begins to assert independence and to develop social connections outside the immediate family.
Hmm... "rite of passage" makes you wonder if it's a 'must-do' activity! A lot of people are completely against it, and that's fine too. Just like everything else, it has its pros and cons, and just like everything else related to kids, you need to be vigilant and cautious and do what works for your family. A good age window to try it out is between 7-12. Once they are teenagers, sleepover rules can change radically. And once I get there, I shall update you on that too.
Why you should do a sleepover:
a) It's almost like training. The child gets to experience new routines in new environments. It makes them resilient and flexible.
b) It makes them responsible, especially if a morning routine is involved too. They can brush their teeth and pack their bags without mommies breathing down their necks. c) It makes them independent. They know that they can't scream for water from their friend's mother. They will make an effort and ask for it politely.
d) It makes them appreciate the differences in the value systems and structures that different families have. So the other friend might have grandparents living with the family, or have older or younger siblings. It can help children appreciate and accept different types of families.
e) Like I mentioned before, it helps children learn to share. They learn to share their toys, books, and food, which is a wonderful thing to inculcate in kids these days. It helps them develop empathy and reduces the egocentricity in them.
Why you should not do a sleepover:
a) If you know your child feels separation anxiety. Forcing him/her to do it before he/she is ready will actually make them feel abandoned. Every child is different, and if yours doesn't enjoy sleepovers, leave it at that. Invite their friends over so that they learn by observing their friends. For that matter, that's how my son's sleepover got organized. My son's friend's sibling was away for her sleepover, and the younger one wanted company, so his mom organized a sleepover at their place.
b) If your child has bedwetting issues. This clearly means they are not ready for it, and you obviously don't want an 'accident' to ruin it for them.
c) If your child has not been educated in personal safety and good touch/bad touch. This is non-negotiable. If your child is not aware of it, sleepover is out of the question. However, you can use the background of sleepover discussion to educate them (if you haven't done it yet) or emphasize and reassert these.
d) If you are not very familiar with the family inviting your child for the sleepover. This is pretty obvious; if you don't know them well, do not get pressurized to send your child. Feel free to say no.
e) If it's a big gathering. Bulk sleepovers are not a good idea! Not only will it drive the hosts up the wall, but big kid gatherings typically end up in conflicts over toy sharing and other such minor issues. So they are best avoidable.
Apart from these, make sure that you:
a) Make your child eat a bit before you send him or her out because different families have different dinner times, and typically a sleepover would involve some junk food.
b) Pack an additional set of clothes and toiletries to be used in the morning. Medicines if your child uses something in particular on a regular basis.
c) Take it slow. Don't let the first sleepover be on the other side of your town. Start with the families in your building or apartments maybe.
d) Mention any details about allergies that your child might have.
e) Check on the whereabouts of the elder sibling. They sometimes tend to bully the younger ones, and if the hosts are not sensitive towards that, it won't be a good experience anyway.
f) Do not decide to go on a long drive. Be flexible yourself and ready for pick up if, for some reason, your child wants to return.
g) And last but definitely not least, trust your instincts. Be sensitive if your child is feeling sick, or if you have a feeling about the arrangements or the place. Basically, opt out if there is anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Once you have all that settled and in place, I'm sure you will be delighted at how much kids enjoy these sleepovers and how grown-up they feel when you are willing to trust them. My son even went ahead and shared breakfast recipes with his friend's mom! I wonder where he got that from. 😊 So yeah, once you have the details nailed, it's fun for everyone! That's the 'Thank you' card my son made for his friend after the sleepover was over.
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